Thursday, June 11, 2009

Conspiracy Theories from A to Z!

A friend has suggested I create a list of Conspiracy Theories from A to Z. I am trying to keep to the Usual Suspects. Any suggestions to add to the cauldron to those below?

A is for Aliens (space, time, species); also Assassins; also AIDS, conspiracy to spread it among blacks and gays, and not find a cure

B is for Bush dynastic links with Saudi Arabia and Bin Laden

C is for CIA (or Communist subversion)

D is for Darwin (pro- (undermining respect for the Bible) or con- (undermining Science, Education, Separation of Church and State)); also Princess Diana, assassination of

E is for Extraterrestrials, Roswell, Flying Saucers

F is for Freemasons (or perhaps Fluoride in the water to undermine our sexual vigor)

G is for Gun control

H is for Homosexuals (seducing children because they can’t reproduce) (and undermining marriage)

I is for Illuminati

J is for Jews (or should this be under Z for Zionists?) (or I for Israel?) (or P for Protocols?)

K is for Kennedy Assassinations (includes destruction of JFK Jr’s plane, and murder of Marilyn Monroe, and Chappaquiddick; see also Mafia)

L is for Liberal Agenda

M is for Mafia (or perhaps Modern Art)

N is for International narcotics trade (or for 9/11) (or Nazis) (or the Great Negro Conspiracy to turn our youth into sexually-obsessed drooling idiots by means of various insidious musics, thereby mongrelizing the race) (or for Neo-Cons)

O is for Obama (the Arab, the Muslim, really white with a suntan, Socialist Agenda, can't have written those books because politicians don't write that well)

P is for Pagans (see also, Materialists, Nazis) (or the Pope, but see R) (or Political Correctness) (or Petro-dollars)

Q is for al-Qaeda

R is for Roman Catholics (secret banks, control of Italian government, suppression of Jesus's sex life and true gender, etc.) (or for Rock n Roll, according to Otto Habsburg a Communist propaganda initiative)

S is for Satanists (or Stock Market manipulations) (or Sports Events, secret Mafia control of) (but see N for Narcotics) (or Socialist Agenda)

T is for Terminators/Time Travelers sent by machines to subvert us. (Also Templars)

U is for USA – not-so-secret plot to undermine all distinctive high or national or ethnic culture in the name of capitalist conformity

V is for Vampires (or Voodoo)

W is for Woman’s Liberation, undermining Male Potency and Natural Domination (or Witches, if there is any difference)

X is for … well, I can’t really tell you that – some of you know, of course

Y is for the subversion of irresponsible Youth against reasonable Old Age

Z is for Zigeuner (the Gypsy conspiracy against Civilization) (or Zombies?)


Sally said...

G is for Globalisation. I've a Zimbabwean friend who uses this term to mean that an international conspiracy headed by Freemasons but involving Bush, Israel and UK is responsible for the downfall of Zimbabwe, conniving with Mugabe. Their aim is to fill the country with big "export processing plants" - many of these already exist, he says, but of course there is no evidence of them because it would be suppressed. (I guess Zimbabweans would say that it would be a fine thing if they had any industry remaining at all.) This conspiracy is also extremely concerned about his research in linguistic stylistics (you may well ask..)and arranges for email to go down, power cuts to happen in places he is sending emails to, etc. It is sad, but you don't give up old friends just because they've gone potty.

Sally said...

ps. David Aaronovitch has recently written a book about conspiracy theories/sts, called Voodoo Histories. From the review:

>>Conspiracy theories may be psychologically necessary... Like certain types of drug addiction, such beliefs may be the self-medication to salve a deeper disorder: the desperate sense that nothing means anything any more. He describes conspiracy theories as "history for losers", with pity rather than scorn. They appeal most strongly to those "left behind by modernity".. and for the user, they are "reassuring". Their inherent paranoia is a psychological sticking plaster to "disguise the truly obliterating disaster, the often well-founded fear that nobody is thinking about them at all". <<

I thought that a very insightful comment.

infanttyrone said...

Some (OK, many...if it spins your globe in the right direction) who inhabit "CT's" are unrealistically paranoiac (their 'reason' for fear + obsession is only visible to + knowable by themselves). Some (on the other hand) paranoiacs have real-live, flesh and blood adversaries who are out to git'em.

However many Lone Gunmen you care or need to believe in (Oswald, Ray, Sirhan, Chapman, Hinkley, whoever did McKinley, same for the ArchDuke) 'tis the height of folly (or to slipstream Pynchon's meme, the bottom of the anti-paranoia barrel) to think that many local and global effects are not brought about ONLY by humans acting in concert (and if you were just thinking I meant bad effects and not planned acts of kindness, then open your filters and think again).

There are clearly conspiracies out in the world on many levels of operation. To say that,in addition to those for whom a "CT" truly is reassuring because nobody really is thinking about "them", everyone else who perceives and discusses them is a loser left behind by modernity sounds more like a psychological sticking plaster to cover up a lack of gumption on the part of people who don't wanna be bothered with the moral onus of opposing bad conspiracies and joining good ones.

Check your back issues for other recently added comments. It's been a while, since a Wagner performance as I recall...not that that's likely to be much of a clue for to guess who's here?